Don't let them break your joy

I was listening to "Blame It on the Boogie" the other day, and Michael looked like a kid opening a gift. The way he danced, jumping all over the place. His whole demeanor. There are clips where he has just finished a piece of a song, and he's over the moon. And I see myself in him.

I know that joy, at that very high level. I think it's what we're all here for: to be happy like kids.

It comes when I'm comfortable. When I'm happy to be in my body. When I create something, play games with friends, look at insects, or collect stones. When I finish something and like it so much that the joy just takes over. I'm happy to be here, and happy I finished it.

I think everyone is an artist in their own element. It doesn't have to be music or painting. Doing something just because you love it creates that joy.

But when I let that joy show, it doesn't always go well.

When I play games with people, I get so into it. I'm super happy, I'm a lot. And I've seen people look at me with so much anger. It happens when I look at insects, too. Or when I collect stones. Sometimes just existing and smiling is enough to set something off in people.

Once, someone I worked with told me straight out that she thought I was devious. I liked going to work. I liked seeing my colleagues. I guess, to her, nobody could be happy and smiling all the time.

Maybe those looks have nothing to do with me. Still, they pile up. And if that keeps happening, especially to someone autistic or neurodivergent, something can shift. You start to dislike people. You get bitter, and suspicious that anyone could be good.

I don't want that to happen to me.

I think we don't get enough of this joy in our daily lives. I wonder if a little every day would make us less angry, less divided. I can't prove it. It's just what I think.

Michael thought something close. He once said that's what he did with his music:

“Bring happiness to people, and to bring joy and some peace in their lives.”

So I try to do things I love, a little every day. I look for the places and people where I feel comfortable, because that's where the joy shows up. And when someone else's joy irritates me, I ask myself what it touches in me.