The tension starts in my stomach

I lived in my head for most of my life. My body was just the thing that carried my brain around. I fed it when I remembered. I rested it when it stopped working.

I noticed it on my own.

Even when I'm talking to someone, I rush the conversation. My body wants to run away.

The tension starts in my stomach. Sometimes I glitch. I stutter.

Then I realised there's tension in my body all the time. My jaw too, the one that hurts from smiling.

A lot of neurodivergent people learn to override their body. Hunger, tiredness, tension. The mind says push through, and the body doesn't get a vote.

Bessel van der Kolk wrote a book called The Body Keeps Score. His idea is that the body stores what the mind can't process. It's one theory among others, and some researchers question it. It still matches how it feels for me.

My body doesn't lie. But I mask.

Both are true at the same time.